In August, our East Coast Adoption Coordinator Ashlene, came out to California for a visit. For training purposes, I took Ashlene with me to meet with a new birth mom (let’s call her Yvonne) who had called in and needed some help. That day we went to the hardest part of one of the slummiest cities in Los Angeles County. I couldn’t help but stare as a Pimp wearing his bright gold jacket and riding a scooter passed by with one of his prostitutes. Drug deals were going down as we sat to fill out paperwork. Very scary, but even more sad is that this young woman lived here with her two year old daughter and this was normal for them.
What we learned about Yvonne is that she was alone with two kids. Her father had abandoned her. Her mother wants nothing to do with her. She is not close to her sister. She is a very pretty young woman who uses her looks to get things and she looks for love in all of the wrong places. She has been used and abused throughout her life and that is what she is accustomed to. She shares all of this without emotion, in a very matter of fact tone.
Coming away from that initial appointment, the normally chatty Ashlene was deep in thought. She finally asked me – “So this is what you deal with? Really?” I corrected her, “This is what WE deal with. This is what we are called to do.”
It is not so much about placing ourselves in dangerous situations. Obviously, God has given us common sense for a reason. But it is about being obedient and going where we are called – even if it is uncomfortable. It is about helping those who are in need. It is about stepping up, when nobody else will.
This young woman who we met with that day, gave birth to a beautiful baby girl this past Saturday. She carefully selected the perfect family for her unborn baby. Through 2 ½ days of labor and waiting, she stayed strong. Never wavering or whining, she looked ahead. She didn’t even shed a tear.
As she spent some time with the adoptive family both before and after having the baby, she seemed truly happy for them.
When I picked her up from the hospital yesterday, I sat in her room and watched her talk nonchalantly about nothing important. I asked her if she was ok and she said she was great. I asked her if she was hungry and offered to take her to a nice restaurant. No, she wanted two bean and cheese burritos from Del Taco.
As we had a bit of a drive, I asked her how I could help her. “What do you need, Yvonne? How can I best help you?” Her answer hurt. “If you can please just help me with food and pay the rent this month, that’s all I need. Then you can go away.”
“What if I don’t want to go away Yvonne?” I asked.
“Can’t you see how strong I am Michelle? This is how I get through things. I just don’t think about them. Your job is done.”
Silently, I prayed that God would give me the words to somehow reach her in some way. “This is not a job Yvonne, this is a relationship. I would never push myself on you or interrogate you to share your feelings, but I am here for you. Your thoughts and feelings are important to me. You are important to me. Life is not a road that should be traveled alone… we will continue to be here for you.”
Yvonne responded with a crack in her voice –“Michelle please don’t make me cry.” Then as I watched, she closed her eyes momentarily and then opened them and said – “Isn’t the sky blue today?” Her way of dealing with things, is to stuff and to not deal.
So I dropped Yvonne off, thankful that at least she was in a somewhat safer environment than I had found her in. And though I find comfort that the baby is with a wonderful family, my heart is still heavy for Yvonne and for her other children. Life goes on for Yvonne, but I want it to be different for her.
We do not have any power to help her if she will not allow us to, but we can pray! There is great power in prayer. I am hopeful that our continued efforts through time, will allow us to prove to Yvonne that we really are different from other people who have stopped by in her life – just to take something from her…
I can share with you that Ashlene our East Coast Adoption Coordinator, has gone back and is answering this calling to adoption ministry – beautifully. As she has now dealt with several birth moms on her end, it is obvious that helping and coming alongside a woman in need, comes naturally for her. God is stretching her because she is willing to be stretched. 🙂
Yvonne was wrong about one thing – our job is definitely not done.