Xoatche, visiting with her birth daughter Ainsley

I came to Adoption Answer when I was 26 and 6 ½ months pregnant.  I was scared and didn’t know what to do.  I was in a four year – rocky relationship with the birth father, who is in the Army stationed out of state.  I already was a single mother to a beautiful little girl, but felt I would not be able to provide for the new child as I should.  I had no job, I was living off unemployment and my savings; which barely paid anything.  I had no support or help from my family.

I had my oldest daughter when I was sixteen and knew what I had to struggle with in raising her by myself.  Life back then was much different than now.  Now I can barely support us as we are, bringing a child into this world in my condition would have been unfair to either child.

I met with Michelle and instantly loved her. Michelle is the most loving and caring person I have ever met.  She was there for me when I needed her.

I have heard many negative things about adoption, which scared me away from it; but I now know that they were not true.  I decided to go with an open adoption and was looking for a family that wanted the same.  I wanted my child to know that I loved her; which is why I chose to give her up for adoption.  I wanted her to have the best life possible.

After meeting with Michelle my journey of placing my daughter for adoption began.  I read through several families, but found no matches.  Michelle provided me with a few more profiles to read.  I will never forget this day; I had met with Michelle earlier in the day and was given profiles.  As I sat in the parking lot waiting for my class to start, I started browsing through the profiles.  I got to one couple and my heart stopped, I knew in my heart that this was the family for my child; I cried but smiled.  I needed to look no further, I told myself this was it.  I called Michelle and told her the good news, she set up the arrangements to meet with the potential adoptive family.

We enjoyed a nice breakfast filled with smiles and tears.  Since that day the adoptive family and I have created the strongest bond. We have experienced may things together; laughter and love. They went to doctors appointments and were there for ultrasounds. They were there to see her kick the ultrasound stick, as well finding out the sex of the baby.

Just like Michelle, the adoptive parents were there for me whenever I needed them.  The bond I have with them is indescribable.  I love them like they are family.  I think what brought our bond closer was the fact that they were able to experience the birth of Ainsley with me.   I can honestly say that I could not have chosen a better family to place my daughter with.  I can truly say I love them with all my heart. They hold half my heart in their arms everyday and will always hold a special place in my heart for that.  To this day, when I am feeling sad and down; I reach out to the adoptive family, “mom & dad,” as I now call them and they know what to say to make smile and continue on.

I am able to see my daughter once a month, and boy do I look forward to it.  If I said that this process was easy; it would be a lie.  This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to experience.  The only way to describe it is – bitter sweet.  There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her, BUT NEVER DO I REGRET THE DECISION I MADE.  Here it is almost 6 months later and I am still healing but not yet healed.  I can say that I have changed my life around tremendously, for the better.  With the support of the adoptive parents and Michelle I have started going to church and I am continuing my education.  I no longer think I am that selfish person who placed her daughter up for adoption, I think it was the most selfless act I could possibly do.  I never could imagine that I could make a world of a difference in one family’s life, but I did.  Seeing how much they love her (Ainsley), my other daughter and myself, puts a smile on my face everyday.

I want to thank Michelle and Adoption Answer for being there for me when I had no place to turn.  I am not sure what would have happened if God did not place them in my path when he did.  I appreciate all the love and prayers that have been sent my way, and I am truly thankful for everyone who was by my side throughout this journey.

-I love you … mom, dad, Michelle and the Adoption Answer staff!

Xoatche, age 26