‘Tis the Season ~ Hope for the Hurting

The Christmas season is here. It is always so fun to jump right into the festivities.  For so many, myself included, sometimes the busy-ness of the season is all part of the thrill.  Shopping, decorating, baking, wrapping, celebrating…  and for others, it is the hardest and most lonely time of year.

I remember the winter season 23 years ago. I had just turned 21.  I was five months pregnant and needed to pay a visit to the hospital emergency department.  That visit was warranted by the abusive and stressful nature of the relationship I was in.  The nurse asked the necessary questions and I gave the answers I needed to, in order to not bring extra attention to my situation.  She knew the truth though, and compassionately encouraged me to be strong.

I had not wanted everybody else to be right, I thought they were all wrong.  From that hospital visit, I could no longer deny that the relationship I was in was horrifyingly wrong.  The fact that I was pregnant compounded the situation, but it also gave me the determination to do right for my child.  My eyes had to be opened and as I looked in the mirror, I forced myself to take in the bruises on my body and then focus on my growing belly.  There was no more time for denial.

It was a cold night when I left.  Thankfully, my car engine started right up.  There were times when he would disconnect something in my engine just to make sure I could not go anywhere.  I told him something that must have sounded legitimate, and I left with the clothes on my back and the contents in my purse. Later, when I opened my purse, I found that my compact mirror and all of my powered make-up were broken from the force of his throwing my purse against the wall earlier that day.

As I share this, it is strange to relive that particular evening and that season in my life. It comes back as if it were yesterday.  I remember the drive that night…  seeing my breath in the cold air,  shaking uncontrollably – more from fear than chill, and looking at the Christmas lights as I made my way to my sister’s home.  I saw a family through their window in front of their Christmas tree. I wondered how things could be so normal for others when my world was so not right.  I had this complete sense of bewilderment.  There was this combination of disbelief, remorse, regret and wishing that I was not living the life I was in.

There was a period of time that it had taken for my confidence and self respect to be broken down in that relationship.  I was not the girl that would have walked into an abusive place and been okay with it.  Emotional and verbal abuse can be as detrimental as the physical type.  There were many questions I had to ask myself and painful revelations as to how I ended up there.  It took a concentrated effort and a strong desire for more for my life, and that of my child’s, to take that first step and to keep moving forward.

I gained strength, as I knew that my God was there, waiting for me to ask Him for help.  I had been raised in a home where we loved and revered our relationship with the Lord.  I made some choices and took some turns that completely took me off the path in life that I knew I should have stayed on.  Even in my own shame, I knew that God still loved me and accepted me.  That knowledge allowed me to come back to Him, even though I felt so broken.

There is no denying, and I share often, that my family really stepped up and helped me through that time.  Where I had been and what I went through planted a seed of understanding and compassion deeply in my heart for others.  How my family helped me, and the grace and mercy that was extended to me, was what grew that seed into a desire and passion to help others.

There have been many Christmases that have passed since that sad one for me.  And thankfully, I have been given the opportunity to extend myself and our services at Adoption Answer to be the family that so many girls do not have.

There have been calls in the middle of the night where we are speaking to a young woman and praying over her as she, too, somehow musters the strength to make a stand for herself.

There have been countless times where we set up a meeting with a pregnant woman and she ends up coming with us with only the clothes on her back.

There are many times when we ask the necessary questions and receive those answers that they give in order to not draw more attention to that part of their situation which they find shameful or fearful.  Somehow, just like my nurse from way back when, we know, and in time we are able to build the connection so they do trust us to help them.

This Christmas, I am so grateful for that Christmas season. Without it, I am not sure who I would be – or what I would be doing in life.  That season has allowed me to show others that God’s grace really is sufficient.

Cycles can be broken.

Brokenness can be healed.

The course of action in our life can glorify the Lord – even when it comes from a place of shame.

I am still amazed that He has taken the imperfections of my life, and allowed a ministry to be developed where we show up to share His love with young women who are, where I once was.

I recognize that the Christmas season is meant to be filled with joy and connection.  I also realize that this time of year can represent loneliness and sadness, especially for those who are hurting.  Be encouraged that God allows different seasons in our lives, and that the most difficult of those seasons are meant to draw us closer to Him.  I want to encourage you to not give up, but to put your hope in Him.  Changes can be made. Strength is available to you.  You are not alone.

Praying hope and healing for you,

Michelle Dettman

Director & Life Coach

 

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